I hate it when...

When I'm all messed up inside out. Public holiday, usually I would sleep till the sunset but today is different. Because of me and my busy schedule, and all d fuckin' clashes on the timeline, I had to wake up early in the morn. Not that I managed to do so fully anyway. All I can remember is that I woke up at about 8am, was up because I'm feelin' too warm. Like fuck it can? In the mist of all my rushings, I had to be down with a fuckin' fever.

Closed back my eyes, d next thing I knew, was woken up by Asraf's call for the bboy practice. Double wonderful. Dad sent me to school together with mum, and I thought that I would b able to sleep for at least 10mins on d car, but hell I was wrong. Both of them started talkin' bout me and my no time fo' them. And like I wasn't feeling bad enough, it's brought up the Mothers' Day was comin' up. And great, I made her cry, again.

Thanks to my huge shades which covered my eyes, I walked all over d school cryin' right after I alighted. And no one told me where they would b. I called at least 3 person to get to their location, but well, it's my bad fo' turning up late isn't it. Almost as soon as I reached, started d prac. After 'bout 2-3 full rounds, was feelin' as tho' I'll faint anytime soon, but I dont dare to speak up.

Today is the first time that I wished that time would actually pass faster when I'm dancing. I fuckin' wish that time would skip a Sunday just fo' me. But no, not gonna happen. And with my stupid brain, I can't function well. Mayb it's due to d fuckin' hot weather, or mayb it's just that fucked up fever.

You know, d feelin' of people havin' faith in you, believin' that you can achieve things is GOOD. But hell, it sucks to know that actually you can't live up to their expectations. It's like you're d one takin' candy from a baby. Know how it feels like? It totally sucks, full time. And as if things weren't bad nuff, I totally wasn't able to do my best fo' today. And like d preview for d show is TMR!? Good job, Jo.

I dont know, for the whole of today, I zoned out a few times. On the 30min trip back home, the more I think, the more things crash onto me. I don't like to cry in public, but this time, it's beyond my control. People must have thought that Im mad 'cause I wore shades in the night just to cover my eyes. Tell me what do I do?

Or mayb I've really gone mad.

*One good thing that happened was the Hiphop IG auditions is over fo' now. One item off my list. And a thousand and one more to go.

Tonight is by far the worst night I'm goin' thru'. And it's not like any amount of hugs could make things right this time round. Someone, save me.