24thFEB.

today`s weewees and junmeis and everyones bday. yes, d 7th day into d cheena new yr. so like, got woken up by gerics call for ahboy`s number. well, gave him huipings number instead but she didnt on her hp. oh well. so like woke up and stuff, feeling goddamned lazy so took off from work. went to weewees house for his bday party with cheryl which consist of only 2 of us and his family.

cheryl left first for her own family dinner, cant go home yet cus i ponned work. went to find cass and some jpl cheena ahbeng at 700plus. slacked and crapped... was feeling so goddamned moody tt i felt like crying. u cant expect me to cry when everyone else`s like laughing away right. so when its time to go home, i asked adrian and joesen to send me home. they were nice and offered to cab me home and after that they are gg to run away without paying!! WTH right. but in d end, they payed cus they`re like to scared la. so, oh wells, it means tt i can slp properly tonight.

so like, many many thoughts went through my mind. i feel tt im just a tiny lil girl in this big wide world with vast amount of concrete buildings. mum, i didnt mean to talk back to u. i just couldnt take it anymore. i dont know how to phrase this pressure acting on me. perharps its only myself giving me too much stress. how many actually will understand what im going through? how many would actually bother?! its not tt i dislike to be home. i wanted to be home all day but i dont wanna see quarrels each time im here. its either dad or brother or myself.

i asked myself, y did i put myself in such situation. so i decided not to be home at all. i knew tt ure worried, i knew. i just couldnt find d courage to face reality. i rather live in my own lullaby dreamland. at least i`ll know tt ppl still loves me. i know tt u placed ur hopes on me and ive disappointed u times and again. u nv gave up. u nv will. i know. u dote on me more than anyone else, sometimes its just tt u dont know to to show it well. ive seen my friends mums. not everyone cares for their children like u do. mum, i dont come home to cry. i like to be home with a proper family tt can get along very well. i know im not as good as other ppls daughter but i dare say tt im not tt bad either. at least i dont say tt i`ll throw u out of d window like some kuku cheena ahlian right.

if u think tt mixing ard with d wrong company is bad for me, well, it is. but hell no would i pick up smoking. its just like buring away cash. if u think tt they are gg to have bad influence on me. well, they done that. i know my limits. if i dont, i`ll probably be in d home like 5yrs ago. ive done bad things i know. u blamed ppl ard me for who i had become. actually, no one can force me to do sthm tt i dont wish to do. if u think tt i pick up smoking, i could have done tt 5yrs ago! y wait until now? if u think tt im not ur girl anymore, well, tt girl is no longer ard since a long time before.

mum, i really dont like crying myself to sleep. i dont like waking up with swollen eyes looking so ugly.i certainly dont come back to a broken family... i came home for love.